I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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