Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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