How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think i got beer on your cat.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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