where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
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I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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