Having a random hookup so left but love u
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
