i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
