But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
