it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
