I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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