first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
