so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
