Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
