are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
