then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
