He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
