and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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