you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
