i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
