so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
