I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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