I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
