just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
