It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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