Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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