I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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