how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
