I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
