the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
