Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
