wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
