Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
