And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
