ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize