Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
