I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He shit in the fireplace
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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