Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
