finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
