I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
