NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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