all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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