If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
