He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
