Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
