His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
