Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
