This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
