Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is Oprah even human
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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