dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
