Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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