2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
