You're completely useless in the revolution.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
