Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And then he peed in my hair
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