I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
