I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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