rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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