I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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