wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
