exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
